MST3K 802 - The Leech Woman
The Movie Synopsis On a journey to Africa, an emotionally disturbed woman witnesses the secret of restoring lost youth - unfortunately, it entails regularly sacrificing young men. Dr. Paul Talbot, noxious endocrinologist, is researching commercially viable techniques of rejuvenation. Mala, a 140-year-old African-born woman who was kidnapped from Africa and then enslaved in America, seeks him out and offers him her tribe's secret of rejuvenation, a special orchid pollen, if he will pay her way back home, where, she informs him, she will soon die. He is persuaded to fund her travel. He her secret to his ultra-needy, dipsomaniacal, and somewhat aged wife, June, whom he apparently despises, and hires a guide to take him to Mala's village. En route, June (who "loves" Paul) becomes enraged when she realizes he only wants her along as a guinea pig. The creepy Caucasoid crew is captured by Mala's tribe and taken to the village just in time to witness Mala undergo a ceremony, the extraction of the pineal hormones of an unidentified tribesman by using a spiked ring, killing him in the process. (The pineal gland is a about the size of a grain of rice and is located at the center of the skull. The ring would have to pierce the skull (which, of course, is made of solid bone) and penetrate five inches into the brain, unguided, to find the pineal gland.) ''She then mixes the fluid with the pollen and ingests it, making her young again. (It only lasts for a short time, which turns out to be a bit of a wrinkle). Mala offers the ring to June along with any man she desires for pineal Pepsi since the tribe intends to whack them all shortly, anyway; Paul plans to use the delay to escape and "get help". However, June turns the tables on Paul, selecting him as the man who will be sacrificed. (He doesn't protest his fate much, perhaps realizing that death is a small price to get away from June). She undergoes the procedure and is restored to the bloom of youth. June and the guide then create a distraction (they throw sticks of dynamite around, displaying, once again, depraved indifference to human life) and escape with the ring and pollen. However, the effect is ephemeral. June realizes she must keep killing men; she allows the guide to expire in some handy quicksand, deftly harvesting his hormones as he slides into the Earth. Back in the States, Sally, the (now-deceased Paul's) former nurse, is the fiance of one Neil, June's feckless but quite presentable lawyer (she is his only client, apparently). June leverages her new youth to concoct a fresh persona; Terry Hart, niece of the woman formerly known as June; she relentlessly pursues the personality-free Neil, arousing Sally's ire. Meanwhile, she cruises the town conning men for their sweet, sweet pineal juice. Neil eventually succumbs to Terry's wiles and decides to propel Sally footwise to the pavement discontinuity, you might say. Sally confronts "Terry", attempting to run her out of town with the aid of a Saturday night special; in a struggle, June/Terry dispatches her with the ring, extracting her hormone in the process. (By this time, a glancing swipe across the side of the neck is enough to smash, in less than a second, through the hair, scalp, skull and soft tissues to the center of the brain, bloodlessly and with robotic accuracy. The victims don't even cry out in pain). She leaves the body, a bit carelessly, I rather think, in the coat closet. At the onset of an evening of intended debauchery June has scheduled with the now-unattached Neil, a police detective, investigating the death of one of the men June's killed (the hyper, juiced-up palooka from ''The Unearthly) arrives at her home and begins asking questions. Conducting a search of the premises, he discovers Sally's lifeless body. Crazed, June rants to the stunned assembly about the youth formula and attempts to provide a demonstration with the aid of Sally's pineal secretions; alas, juice from the female does not work (or maybe, like insulin, it loses its effectiveness if not refrigerated). She does not become youthful, and, realizing she's lost everything and (maybe) has killed Sally (and all the others) for nothing (or at least, not the payoff she expected), she hurls herself off of her second-story bedroom balcony. In death she reveals her horrible secret. Fun facts: Turns out the screenwriter had an older brother who used to beat him about the head while wearing a class ring. Take note: This film illustrates perfectly what can happen when the art director takes over the film. Julie Taymoor got the idea for the puppet version of "The Lion King" from watching this movie (keep your eyes on the "African" fellow who, in every shot in which he appears is saddled with wearing a "ceremonial tusk mask / football helmet / chorus girl chapeau" which competely conceals his face and makes, I suspect, every scene an unforgettable pleasure to shoot). Information The Episode Host Segments Prologue: The Bots discover an infestation of prairie dogs and use a special vaccum to catch them. Mike is disbelieving until Servo rounds up a herd. Segment One: Crow still can't remember Mike, much less the prairie dogs he sucked up. Dr. Peanut discovers his destiny...to wear diapers and roller skate around Deep Ape. Professor Bobo and the other apes eventually succumb to diapers and tutus, much to the disgust of The Lawgiver. Segment Two: The Satellite is still broken, so the gang appeals to the Nanites. They're on strike, at least until the strike is broken by a Nanite tank that squishes their union leader. Segment Three: Pearl is enjoying some leisure time until Bobo interrupts to point out she hasn't made any laws. Pearl decrees there is no parking on Sundays and soup with buffet. Pearl asks for suggestions, from the SOL crew. Tom's laws reveal he was up to some interesting things during his universal travels... Segment Four: The Bots want Mike to, um, check out their pillory; his contacts save him from the Bots stealing his pineal juices. Mike is strangely unbothered by this. Luckily, Gypsy has that Richard Basehart weakness... Segment Five: Servo really, really wants to do his impression of Granny from The Beverly Hillbillies. Mike and Crow suspect Servo just wants to run around yelling "JEEEEEEDDDD!" Tom takes it too far, as always. In Deep Ape, the apes are returning to civilized ways. It works until Peanut finds the diapers again. Stinger: Detective defeats lawyer with LOGIC! Other Notes Miscellanea *'Unusual credits': Servo yells "JEEEEEEDDDD!" over the credits. Quotes & References *''"Uh-oh, Ed Gein!"'' :Ed Gein, a serial killer arrested in Wisconsin in 1957, became infamous for making a "woman suit" from the bodies of his victims. *''"It's Five Alive!"'' Five Alive is a blended juice drink sold by Minute Maid. *''"And don't forget, Nick and Honey are coming over tonight."'' '' Nick and Honey are two secondary characters from the movie/play ''Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? *''"This is when Hazelden didn't have it all worked out yet."'' ''The Hazelden Foundation is a Minnesota-based chain of drug and alcohol rehab centers. *"Miss Jane Pittman and Mr. George Clinton were wed today..."'' :The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman is a novel in which a 110-year-old African-American woman recounts the events of her life, and was made into an acclaimed made-for-TV movie in 1974. George Clinton is a funk musician known for his oddball clothing and hairstyle. *''"She dances like a drunk girl at the Blainbrook Bowl"'' :A bowling alley in Blaine, MN, a Minneapolis suburb (www.blainbrookbowl.com). *''"Oh Miss Havisham"'' :A mad and wealthy old woman who figures prominently in Great Expectations. *''"Have you heard the drums Unando?"'' :A take on the ABBA song "Fernando." *''"Agnes Moorehead as Endora!"'' :Agnes Moorehead played Endora on the 1960s sitcom Bewitched. *''"Man, I hate how these guys are ripping off David Byrne's music!"'' :David Byrne used sub-Saharan African polyrhythms prominently on the Talking Heads' album Remain in Light. *''"He's not a very good mohel, is he?"'' ''''In Judaism, a Mohel (rhymes with 'soil') is a rabbi or other synagogue member trained to perform male circumcision, performed on the eighth day after birth. : Category:MST3K Episodes Category:Season 8